


Mom's The Bomb

by DrakonNightengale



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Post-Canon, Canon typical humour, Gen, Gravity Falls But A Year After, Wendy's Mom Is French Canadian, slapstick humour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:34:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26487994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrakonNightengale/pseuds/DrakonNightengale
Summary: Wendy takes Dipper to meet her mother, who is a demolitions expert. Shenanigans ensue. People are shot out of gunpowder cannons, trees are blown up. Ghosts are mentioned, it's a perfect day in Gravity Falls.
Relationships: Wendy Corduroy & Dipper Pines
Kudos: 4





	Mom's The Bomb

**Author's Note:**

> This was done as a request for a person who wishes to remain Anonymous. I finished this back in August but I haven't had the chance to post yet. 
> 
> Thank you, Anon for the idea. I hope you all enjoy!

Dipper opened his eyes to the glaring sun through the window of the attic. 

Soos had offered for Mabel and him to stay in the Mystery Shack during the summer for the first half and then the few days around their birthday before they had to go back to Piedmont for school.

He then pulled out his phone- a gift from his parents after returning last year- and looked over the text he received the night before. 

Butterflies flew around in his stomach as he read it over. 

_Hey, Little Man. My mom’s coming up to Gravity Falls, and she wants to hang out. It’s been a few years, and I have to admit I’m a little nervous. I don’t think the guys would be a good fit around her, but then I remembered you were up for the summer and was wondering if you’d accompany me? It would mean a lot to me, Dipper._

Dipper had responded with a yes, and then went to bed. Now he had to get ready for the day, and hope he didn’t ruin this for his friend.

He started to chew through his shirt, going through four by the time Mabel walked in.

“Bro-Bro, Wendy’s… Youuuu’reee probably gonna want a different shirt.” She raised an eyebrow and looked him over, handing over a Mrow-Kitten shirt and smiling. “You can do it, whatever it is you’re worried over. Just remember to breathe.”

“I’m fine. Just fine. Nothing to be worried over, just meeting Wendy’s mom.”

“Dipper, you’ll be late if you don’t go down there.”

“Oh, right.” He changed his shirt, and took the hat from his sister, throwing on his vest and hurrying down the staircase to the front entrance. Here Wendy was leaning against the counter, texting on her phone. She looked up and smiled.

“Dipper! Thank you so much for doing this for me; you have no idea how much this means to me.” She smiled and hugged him.

Dipper hugged her back, happy she was wearing the pine tree hat that he had traded her last summer.

“So, buddy, you ready to go?” 

“Yeah, definitely. So, what are we expecting?”

Wendy shrugged, rubbing her arm and chewing the inside of her cheek a little. “I don’t know. It’s been so long since I’ve seen her I’m not sure what to expect.” She held the door for him as they went outside and started walking. “She used to take me out fishing when I was little.”

“Oh, and how did that go, you like fishing, right?” Dipper asked, seeing if he could calm both their nerves over this experience.

“Yeah, the dynamite was the best part of it honestly. I quite enjoyed that. We’d get a lot of fish, but once or twice we got eaten by a giant fish, and then we’d have to blow it up to escape. Never a dull moment with Mom, at least that’s what I remember.” Wendy sighed in out of fondness for the memory.

“Wait a second, did you just say your mother used dynamite for fishing?” Dipper’s confusion was audible, as well as his horror. He understood alternative methods, but that hardly sounded safe. Then again, he thought of last summer and decided maybe safe just wasn’t a Gravity Falls thing.

“Yeah, why?”

“No reason, it just caught me off guard, that’s all. Nothing wrong with throwing explosives into a lake to try and catch fish.”

“If you say so, Dipper.”

They came out to a clearing, seeing a large pile of rocks and a woman sitting on top of it.

“Wendy is that you,” called a soft voice, with a slight slur on the words. The lady hopped down from the rocks and started walking over.

Dipper and Wendy ran over to see her. Wendy hugged her mother immediately.

“Hello!” As she spoke her greeting, the h was hardly pronounced, as part of her accent. She was a beautiful woman, an inch shorter than her daughter; she looked dainty and curly. Her hair was long as Wendy’s but blonde like the sunflower and very well taken care of, and a forest green beret on the top of it. A pair of narrow, sea green, glasses framed her eyes. The woman was wearing a sundress that came down to her knees, matching the colour of her beret. 

In her mouth was a nice, comically big cigar. It smelt like pine needles, and you couldn’t miss the giant red maple leaf on the white background of the label. In total, it looked completely out of place on her. Yet somehow fitting. The size of it would be like an oversized pickle.

“Hey, Wendy’s mom-” Dipper was cut off suddenly. 

“Oh, no, dear, call me Francine. We’re friends here!”

“Hey, mom, what are you doing all the way out here?” Wendy asked, looking over the pile of rocks. 

“Oh, that? Well, my job, sweetie.” She pulled out a stick of dynamite and brought it to her cigar, cupping her hand over the wick and cherry, then she flung the lit stick over to the pile of rocks.

The entire structure of rocks then blew up into dust, making a mini mushroom cloud as Dipper and Wendy watched in awe.

“Wow, that’s cool,” Wendy said.

Dipper started looking around for rock debris right after, nervous over the whole ordeal.

“So, Wendy, who’s your cute little friend here?” Francine asked, taking out another cigar and lighting it with a zippo quicker than the pair could react; this was after she had let the previous butt tumble into her mouth, swallowing it, before letting out a cloud of smoke shaped like a maple leaf. The Zippo lighter had the Fleurdelisé, and the Canadian Flag etched into it, a charming old bronze look to it, with a green cap. The blue and red of the flags were faded away from use. It seemed to have been with her a while from the wear it experienced.

Dipper stared, in mild shock at what just occurred, and then looked to Wendy, who wasn’t fazed at all as she answered her mom with a smile.

“Oh, his name’s Dipper. We met last summer when he came down to stay at the Mystery Shack. We’ve been friends ever since.”

“Dipper? Well, it’s nice to meet you.” She stuck out her hand to shake his.

“It’s nice to meet you too, Francine.” He took her hand and shook it. 

“Oh yeah, Dipper loves the paranormal, mom!” Wendy chipped in, making Dipper flush.

“Oh, does he? Well, then I’m sure you’d love the time I was asked to demolish a building. An old mansion about two hundred kilometres west of Sept-Îles. It was large, and kind of a dark looking place.”

“Two hundred kilometres?” Dipper questioned in confusion.

“Oh right, you guys still use imperial. Well, that would be about one hundred and twenty-five miles for you both. Anyways, I got called in to demolish this rickety old mansion, and there was this little ghost girl that I helped pass on.”

“Oh, really? How did you do that? Was the mansion on top any sort of graveyard? Were the original owners serial killers? How old was the mansion? Did the owners do anything regarding the occult? Were there any more ghosts than just the girl?” Dipper asked quickly.

“Well, I blew it up! She passed on right after that, nice and sweet. I don’t recall there being a graveyard in the area, and I think it was built around the time Canada was first becoming a country, what with that Lower and Upper Canada shenanigans they had going on, it wouldn’t surprise me at least.”

Dipper almost choked, “you blew up a ghost? Did you even explore it? How did it feel seeing a ghost?”

“Sure, how did you think I saw the little girl in the first place?” She smiled and then gave a hearty laugh. “You’re a cute kid. It’s good to have interests. Come on, let’s walk.” She started to lead the way through the forest, with both of them walking behind her. “I’ve always been a nature kind of girl. I absolutely adore it and would do anything to protect it.” She lit another stick of dynamite, throwing it behind her, and blowing a tree into ash, continuing to lead them along. “It’s why I spend most of my time in rural Quebec, rather than staying in Montreal City or anything like that. I much more prefer the countryside, exploring and living a more nomadic life, demolishing things as needed.”

“So you’re not even American, you’re Canadian?” Dipper asked, intrigued.

“Oh, yes, for sure! Born and raised, however, I came down here one summer just to enjoy nature as I do,” saying that she blew up another tree, making Dipper question what truly enjoying nature meant, “and I met this lumberjack. He was such a sweetheart. Next thing you know, we have Wendy and were struggling with where to raise her. See, she has dual citizenship, but given the fact, I don’t like to sit still, so she was raised down here in Gravity Falls.” She smiled, “still one of the most beautiful places I’ve been. You can’t imagine how many gnomes I’ve blown up in the number of times I’ve come down here. Little thieves try and run off with dynamite, how silly of them.”

“Wow, that sounds amazing, mom. I’m glad you get to live that kind of life, it sounds freeing.” Wendy complimented her mom, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. She made sure to stay out of the smoke.

“Yeah! Plus, it really sounds like you enjoy what you do.” Dipper added on.

“Oh, of course. I also have a cannon I bring around. I get shot out of it wherever I go, to raise money for charity.” She explained, letting out a small cloud of smoke. “I’ll take you to it right now if you both want.”

Dipper and Wendy agreed without any hesitation, following her to the site with the cannon. It was large, with the Fleurdelisé and Canadian flags painted onto it. There was a ladder leading into the mouth of it.

In the clearing, most of the Gravity Falls residents were there, including Waddles and Mabel, who waved happily to Dipper and Wendy from their seats.

As Francine picked up a megaphone, she smiled and spoke into it. “Citizens of Gravity Falls. My name is Francine Corduroy, and for every five dollars donated, I’ll shoot myself from the cannon into Lake Gravity Falls. The charity is to save the beluga whales in Northern Canada.” She pulled out a box from a green and beige SUV, going around and collecting from each citizen. Snatching the false bill Stan was going to put in and accepting the ten from Ford with glee. Mabel, Waddles and Pacifica put in ten each. 

When she came over to Dipper and Wendy, they put in five and ten respectfully, excited to help out with the charity, with the latter wanting to see someone get shot out of a cannon.

“Alright, kiddos, give me a minute to go count this.” Francine went over to her vehicle, counting and then picking up the megaphone. “I raised two hundred dollars, thank you, everyone, who donated. I will be shot out of the cannon forty times now. Give a couple of minutes between shots for me to run back, please.”

She walked over to Dipper and Wendy, looking between them. “Which one of you two wants to set up the cannon again while I’m coming back?”

“Can I also get shot out of the cannon?” Wendy asked, smiling excitedly.

Mabel rushed overhearing that and smiled. “Oh-oh! Me too! Me too!!” She smiled and bounced up and down, holding Waddles in her arms.

“Mabel, don’t you know how dangerous it is-” Dipper started.

“Well… You and I can take turns, Wendy. And Mabel, maybe near the end, we can try. I don’t want to put you in a dangerous situation.” Francine chewed the end of her cigar and then gently shook her head. “I think maybe not. In a few years, I’ll gladly shoot you out of the cannon, though, sweetie.” 

The French-Canadian got into the cannon. Fixing her dress, so it was all tucked in. Without warning, she lit the fuse with her cigar.

Bang! 

Away she went, soaring through the air. Seeming to disappear before pillar of water came from the lake.

Dipper stared in horror as the black smoke rose from the cannon, blinking as he realized that was gunpowder. Wendy’s mom had shot herself out of a cannon meant for cannonballs. He was absolutely in shock, to the point that he forgot to reset the device until she came back to the area.

Wendy went to get in, but Dipper protested.

“I really don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Dipper, it’s fine.”

“It’s fine? That is not meant for people!”

“Alright, alright. If you really think that, buddy.”

Dipper sighed relief as Wendy moved away and helped him reset the cannon. They continued to do so every time Francine got shot from it.

While Dipper was horrified, the crowd was eating it up, no problem. Even near the end where Francine seemed to have a few black streaks on her clothes and face from the gunpowder, it seemed completely normal to the residents of Gravity Falls.

Afterwards, the sun started to dip, causing orange rays of light to shine through the trees. 

“Hey, you two!! I have one more place to show you, follow me,” as Francine waved to Dipper and Wendy. The cigar she lit earlier still going, though it was getting low. Like before, she swapped out the cigar for a new one, swallowing her old one and quickly replacing it.

Dipper and Wendy shared another look, wondering what that was, given the fact they weren’t sure what they were seeing. They didn’t have much time to mull it over, as they walked through the brush, further into the forest. Francine led them further and further.

“Hey… So, Wendy’s Mo-” 

“Francine, sweetie.” The Canadian gently interrupted Dipper.  
“Right, sorry.” Dipper rubbed the back of his neck and gave a nervous laugh. “So, hey, Francine… How did you and Wendy’s Dad meet?”

“Daniel? That old story? Oh, well, I came down here when I was about eighteen, with old Bridgett there-” She was interrupted by Dipper’s curiosity.

“Bridgette?”

“Oh, silly me. That’s the name of my cannon.” She laughed. “So here I am, freshly eighteen, and I meet this lumberjack, who was highly questioning of my methods. I mean, I like blowing things up, but I also like trees and nature. So we talked for a while. I threw dynamite at trees while he chopped them down. It was love at first explosion.”

“So how did you get a work visa so young?” Dipper was excited to learn.

“Oh, work visa? Silly, I never got anything like that. I just hopped the border, came down to Oregon and started blowing things up!” 

That was way out of left field, and Dipper stopped to stare at her.

She made no move to stop moving forward, continuing with her story, “we never got married, not formally, but when I had Wendy, we knew she needed a place to stay, so we talked it over, and decided it was the best she remain in the USA. So I went through life, coming down once in a while to see Wendy and the boys.”

“Oh yeah, you make the best pancakes! Though they tend to taste pretty ashy.” Wendy interjected happily.

“Oh, I should make some while I’m around town, maybe next week when I’m on my way back up. Lazy Susan has nothing on me.”

Wendy and Francine laughed, as Dipper finally caught back up. In a few minutes- and with a few more blown up trees- they arrive at a cabin, surrounded by dynamite in stacks.

“So, this is the reason I was here. The random rock pile and this cabin were both commissioned to for demolition. I was excited to come down, I let Wendy know, and here we are!” Francine smiled and lit another stick of dynamite- Dipper was getting suspicious of where she was getting all of these- and blew up the cabin, causing a fiery blaze that soon left nothing but a soot mark on the ground.

“Well, that’s it for the day, I hope the both of you had fun. I sure did. I really want to do this again sometime, if you both will let me of course.” Francine turned to both of them, hands together like a prayer. “Unfortunately, I have to get going and pack everything, so I can only walk you guys back to the car, and you’ll have to walk the rest of the way.”

“Oh no, that’s fine mom, we’ll be okay on our own,” Wendy assured, smiling softly and hugging her. “Thanks for the fun times today.” 

“Oh yeah! Definitely. I actually would love to hear more about anything supernatural you’ve come across next time we meet!” Dipper added, smiling.

“Alright, next weekend, I promise!”

Francine put a cigar into Wendy’s mouth and lit it before she could do, anything. As soon as her mom turned around, Wendy spat out the offensive object.

The two teens walked away as Francine started to clean things up in the area, which was just causing more explosions until everything was ash in the clearing.

“Wendy, has your mom always eaten her lit cigars and blew smoke?” Dipper asked in concern. “Oh and does she always use gunpowder in her cannon, that just seemed completely unsafe-”

“Dipper, you need to relax. You’re just a worrywart. Mom knows what she’s doing, I promise you. She’s been doing it for eighteen years now.”

“That implies she has been doing it since she was sixteen.”

“Oh yeah, she has. According to Dad, she had been taught how to when she was young.” Wendy shrugged, moving some leaves out of her face as they came to The Mystery Shack. Behind them an explosion occurred, causing a mushroom cloud, as Dipper sated in objectified horror, Wendy shrugged it off. “Dipper, we should go inside before your Grunkles get mad.”

Dipper opened and closed his mouth, staring at the cloud and explosion, wondering how that happened. Then he was almost knocked off his feet by the shockwave from it. 

At the end of the day, the kid should just know better than to question the mysteries of Gravity Falls.

Also, while Wendy and Mabel couldn’t do it, that day, pigs really did fly.

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed, maybe leave a comment and hit the kudos button. If you want to see more of my work in the future or know about projects I'm doing, head on to https://drake-the-incubus.tumblr.com/ and check me out.
> 
> If you're interested in having requests done, let me know by message or email and we'll see what I can do!


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